I'm so sick of all of this, of everything.

And it makes me want to cry.

I just don't know anymore.

And it's getting really, really hard to trust cause in my head I can't imagine it any other way. But God's tugging at my heart and telling me He wants it to be the totally opposite way, His way, but I just can't seem to accept it. What He's asking me to do feels just way too much for me to handle.

But then again I keep thinking over and over... Jesus gave up everything for me, and now the least I could do would be to give everything back to Him. But then my mind switches back and forth in my head and I'm like... well, I can't give this up. Its too important to me. I can give that to Jesus but I can't possibly hand this over to Him.

And I'm sick of my being so stubborn.

You know when God keeps knocking at your heart, and you desperately want to open up and just trust with everything in you but you feel like you just... can't? It's like if you give it up to God you're scared that He will not manage it and take care of it the way you think He should.

But I keep coming back to...

Janelle, are you willing to give everything up to follow Jesus.

Everything.