enchanted.

// no? yes. the bothersome of routine. the words she never spoke. the string of hope. the silver lining. the shiver. the glitter liquid streaming from her eyes. the pin drop. the lull between the music and the applause. the snapshot of the moment in time. the fallen snow on the bridge. the preaching of her heart. here goes her dreams, so vulnerable to the world."( a friend)//

*

I have so many thoughts in my head.

I love them, they are ridiculous, senseless, beautiful. They're all unique in their own ways. And I wish sometimes more than anything that I could write them down on paper and if one person could read it, and it could make a difference in their life, my purpose would be fulfilled. But I finally figured out that I don't have a way with words. I'm envious of people who do though. Sometimes I just wish everyone could see what I see, hear what I hear, or feel what I feel. Is that too selfish to ask? Of course.

*

I wonder what it's like.

To let go, I mean.

I wonder if they ever think about it, I wonder if they get that hole in the bottom of their stomachs. I sometimes wonder if they're just so far gone, so wrapped up in their own lives and pleasing the rest of them that they have lost all of their emotion. And in doing so, they don't even feel or notice anything going on around them, so they make rash decisions. I mean, do they ever feel guilty? Do they ever contemplate or have anything inside them make them hesitate? Or do they just rush into things? It's a series of lost inhibitions. And why? Why are they all so lost, undirected? Is it for acceptance, a need to feel known and loved? Is that really what they wanted, are they really happy? Or is their smile just as fake as ours? I guess I just wonder about everything too much.

Why do I always let the little things get me? The little, miniscule things. Things that have no significance in the world outside my head. It's a scary place sometimes, my mind. Sometimes I get scared of myself. I get scared that one of these days I'm going to lose it and end up like them. Because it's true, sometimes I feel like the only person I've got in the world is me. But that's just me being irrational and wallowing in self-pity again. I'm getting pretty good at this. The back and forth in my mind, just like a game of tennis.

*

maybe it's as strange as it seems.