I won't be blogging very much anymore. It's summer, and I'd much rather do other things. Maybe sometime if I'm bored I'll write again. But for now... have a good summer :)

All I wanna do is ride bikes with you
And stay up late and watch cartoons
I wanna watch cartoons with you
Josie and the pussy cats and scooby doo

If these walls could sing
they'd sing us a hundred songs
And if these walls could talk
they'd say they'd seen it coming all along, all along

camping memories, summer 2006

"it hurts so much i'm afraid of life."
"it won't hurt so much always, Anne."
"the thought that it may stop hurting sometimes hurts me worse than all else, Marilla."
"yes, i know, i've felt that too, about other things. but we all love you, anne."
"oh, everybody has been so dear and good and lovely to me, Marilla. i'm not ungrateful- and perhaps- when this horrible ache grows a little less- i'll find that i can go on living."
-anne's house of dreams, lucy maud montgomery


well, in the news, cello exam is done
also in the news
it's tineke gazendam's 16th birthday today :D aka my soul mate
and other than that...
nothing is new.

goodbye!

Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company through those days so long and black.
And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve Of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole. But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall. Then I think we would see the beauty. Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges, like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.
(Bowl of Oranges, Bright Eyes)

"There are six billion people in the the world, and I can only think about one. Myself."
-Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz

it hit me

so, this morning I made some ridiculously good pancakes, and did harmony. I should go practice in a sec. have any of you ever tried reeses pieces icecream? because if you haven't, you really should, it's incredibly delicious. Right now there are way too many things on my mind, it's scaring me.

I'm so uncertain of a lot of things, but I'm ok with that now, because I know God has an idea of what's going on.

I wish I could find the words to say what really needs to be said.

"Whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy."
James 1:2

In other news, sometimes you have to humble yourself and accept what someone tells you, especially when it's about yourself.

In other news, I've been really stressed and worried, and all that. I feel disheveled, but really I should be content! Despite certain things, my life is really good right now. And, I have grape juice in my fridge, and that always makes things better. Lately I've been afraid of falling asleep and dreaming, cause I don't like my dreams lately. I kinda want to leave this town, even if it's just a drive out of the town, or just something. I'm restless, I feel like going someplace new. Oh bother. Actually, I just want to sit in the sand for hours on end staring out at the sky and lake.

Although my life is changing, He does not. If that's not comforting, I dont know what is.

Guess where I went on the weekend?

Yep.

To Ontario Place for the whole day to see Starfield and Hillsong United at night. Hillsong United... is definitely the best band I've ever seen live. Starfield opened up for them and Hillsong did a two and a half hour concert, it was crazy. It was outside, and there were 12,000 people there singing at the top of their lungs and raising their hands and jumping, just worshipping God. I've never experienced anything like it before in my life, it was absolutely incredible.

I've been trying to figure out what to do, and what I want... but after the concert on Saturday, it hit me... thats it's not what I want, and it's not what I decide, it's where God brings me. And for some reason placing it all in God's hands makes me feel so much more secure and sure about it all then when I was keeping it all to myself. And it's funny cause I thought that if I let it go and let God do the controlling... that I would feel like it wasn't going to go my way or God wasn't going to do what I wanted Him to. How stupid of me was that? God only wants the best for me and what He wants is perfect. I have to trust that God has an uncomparable plan... and I always knew that, I just didn't let my life live that out.

A couple weekends ago God told me to do something that made my heart hurt. I felt more vulnerable than I have in a long time. I know I would not have done it if I had waited any longer... and it was so hard. I guess I don't want to say this, but I wouldn't go back and change anything, especially since I know it was the right thing to do right now.

I can't speak for myself anymore. I've caught myself questioning things that I have established as known, and solid. It makes me upset.

Summer, please come back and bring your green grass, sunny skies and carefree days.