I'm so sick of all of this, of everything.

And it makes me want to cry.

I just don't know anymore.

And it's getting really, really hard to trust cause in my head I can't imagine it any other way. But God's tugging at my heart and telling me He wants it to be the totally opposite way, His way, but I just can't seem to accept it. What He's asking me to do feels just way too much for me to handle.

But then again I keep thinking over and over... Jesus gave up everything for me, and now the least I could do would be to give everything back to Him. But then my mind switches back and forth in my head and I'm like... well, I can't give this up. Its too important to me. I can give that to Jesus but I can't possibly hand this over to Him.

And I'm sick of my being so stubborn.

You know when God keeps knocking at your heart, and you desperately want to open up and just trust with everything in you but you feel like you just... can't? It's like if you give it up to God you're scared that He will not manage it and take care of it the way you think He should.

But I keep coming back to...

Janelle, are you willing to give everything up to follow Jesus.

Everything.

lets cause a scene

well, my dance exam is finally over
you have no idea how happy i am that it's done
now i just have to finish festival... gah
i hate festivals
(right now anyways)

"whatever souls are made of, yours and mine are the same"

(that pic is for katie cooley haha <3)

i miss being little and not having a care in the world

ugh.
i want summer
and it's snowing again
its not supposed to snow anymore!

BLAHH

i'm pretty sure i'm done reaching out to people and getting nothing in return. i know that's pretty selfish of me, but it's frustrating and it's true. don't yell at me for not making an effort to be your friend, because either i don't like you, or i have given up on you after being ridiculously nice to you or making a huge effort and being ignored.

people who are really your friends shouldn't make you feel like you should have to try so hard.

so I've decided I actually like this template better
besides, it's not even winter anymore, and the other one had snow in it
spring spring spring

well, thats all really
I have found that I really, really would rather do interesting things and journal about them on paper or just keep them in my head then come to my blog and write about it here. Blogging has just gotten so boring. maybe I'll get into it again later... but for now I just want to liiiiive.

well, goodbye!
oh!!

if you want to listen to some really awesome music
and who doesn't
then go listen to red wine or you are the moon by the hush sound (or anything by the hush sound really, they remind me of spring)
or jason reeves (www.myspace.com/jasonreeves)
orrrr
colbie caillat (www.myspace.com/colbiecaillat)
listen to the song bubbly by her. it makes me soo happy, it reminds me of spring too

everything is reminding me of spring!
i love it

ok bye