39 [over.]

i've found that i would much rather experience a sharp pain then a long, never-ending ache.
--

"i need you more than i thought, this past week i've learned a lot, and now you tell me it's over, so over."
(Over-Hawk Nelson)

40 [smile, it's the end of the world]

last night... wow last night. it was pretty amazing, aaand there were two other bands there that i did not know were going to be there... Run Kid Run and Falling Up. Of course Hawk Nelson was the best but the other bands were really good i liked them.

well... i have nothing else to post about really. please pray for brittni... it really scared me when i read the email. go to lysha's blog to read more about it.

bye!

42 [*maggie]

43 [pictures]

(i made that for chels out of ranomd things from magazines that reminded me of her and it makes me happy to look at it lol)

**

(my windowseat)

THE END!!

45

hey hey can you hear anything I say?
you search for the short-cut, you live life but for what?
I love you and hope you will find the truth someday.
(From End to End/Relient K)


I went through all my old letters today and it made me happy. It's funny some of the stuff we wrote and were worried about and fretted over back then. I sorta cleaned my room today, threw out those dead and wilted flowers from my recital, cleaned off all the junk on my windowseat so I could sit on it, went through the random papers with random things and thoughts written on them that were randomly laying all over my room... lots of random. Stuck some more pictures on my wall, called Chels, made myself a cd, walked outside, wished I had a swing to swing on. wished someone was here with me.

Romans 14:23

Blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed girl
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing
You can sew it up but you still see the tear
Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing

1. saturday
2. math
3. math
4. math
5. cleaning
6. talking
7. math
8. when will it ever end.

screaming when you wish you could laugh.
smiling when you wish you could be angry.
crying when theres no reason to cry.
or... maybe there is.

47

hello people of the world that i populate this beautiful earth with.
hows it going?
so its me again, posting. you get to hear how its going in Janelle's incredible world/land/kingdom/empire or whatever you would like to call it. yes feel privileged. ha no i'm joking!!
lalalaa i'm really happy and really hyper dont ask me why i just am. i feel bad about being so happy cause everyone else seems like they are in the depths of sadness with exams happening and everything... but oh well. i will still be happy, maybe it will spread to them and make them happy. you never ever know! so today i played for my little sister's violin exam in the morning, which went well. i knew it would so i didnt worry too much about it. then i came home and had a nap cause i was SO tired (i went to my cousin's grad last night and i got home really late and had to wake up really early) and then i did math. oh before i did math my mom took us out to pizza hut for lunch, it was good. so i have like a million lessons in math to finish if i want to go to the Hawk Nelson concert (live!!) next Wednesday, and camping the following week. i'm working hard though and i AM going to get it done. but its still annoying, math is always annoying. Grrr or Arggg if I’m going for pirate anger.
so!
umm i dont really have anything else to post about. and i should get back to math. i pretty much miss you all a lot and i wish you were here with me. its insane how much i miss my friends. man!! well its not really insane its expected but still.
happy examing to anyone who is doing exams, you can do ittt its almost all done! yes!
ok, make sure your nice to people cause everybody likes a really nice person. And smile a lot to people. Mainly to people you don't even know. Either they will smile back at you or just think you're plain creepy. Either way just smile, cause I love smiling, smiling's my favorite. Ok, you have a good day cause if you don't I'll get angry. Grrr!!

[happy birthday to *you]

happy birthday tineke :D flip i miss you like crap. isn't is weird how i've only known you since the end of april yet if i dont talk to you in a day i miss you? well i guess it's not really weird... its amazing actually lol. i pretty much wish i could bike to your house today and give you a huge hug.

i love you very very much.

and i had so many words in my head to say to you and i had hoped to just tell you how much i love you, and how much you mean to me and how you always make me laugh. even when i feel like crying. i'm so so glad i met you. you inspire me and make me smile with all the random funny things that you do. you're always there just the way i need you to be there.

yea that picture is for you hahaha. you make me laugh. on saturday that thing wouldn't even stop flashing it was so funny. it was like never ending mwaha.

well i hope you have the happiest day of your life and you know how much i want to be there with you lol. have a happy happy happy day darling. i miss you ahhh!!

i pretty much square you a LOT haha you beautiful person.

49

"Looking back, I suppose that it might seem that I had a restricetd life, but I never thought so. I still don't. I didn't have friends of my own age, but I didn't miss them. I got so much more out of music... to have been able to love something so intensely since I was small is tremendous. No one who has not experienced it can know just what it means to have a private world of your own to go into, to be quite by yourself whenever you need it."
-cellist Jacqueline du Pre


http://www.turbulence.org/blog/archives/000855.html
^check it out

50

so the oilers just lost.
sigh.
i just jumped in our pool, ya at 11:30 at night, i'm crazy. my brother wouldn't go in with me but gabe did, and it was so cold and i pretty much feel like i have hypothermia.
but i promised i would so i did. i even put my head under lol.
man. now i'm sad lol.
goodnight

52

to recap the... last couple of days...

friday morning was my exam, which went so well. its so extremely nice to have it done, now all i have to worry about finishing this year yet is school. and finishing math really soon, well trying to get it done before July 1. maan, i wish school would just be done. then friday night i went to ange's recital and it was awesome, i saw everyone again and yep. we were going to play musical chairs at the party but we never did and it was so disappointing. it wasn't even like, a party without it. there were those certain people who thought we were weird, and didn't want to play :P lol it was so amusing it made me want to laugh.

ok. so then today tineke and me went to Bingeman's water park and stuff all day and it was super fun. it was for my dad's work picnic.. thinger.. and we had an extra ticket and it was right by tineke's house and she could go and i was so happy. so we spent all day there, it was amazing lol. "i square you" ha tineke. and ya i thought i was going to get a killer tan but it never happened, which was weird cause i was outside all day! oh well. it was SO hot outside tineke and me thought we were gonna die half the time, cause we had to walk up hills and of course we like not even close to being in shape so we were pretty much really tired lol. and then tineke wasn't supposed to but she came anyways to the picnic at my dad's bosses' house afterwards... they said she could. and we ate cotton candy and walked randomly around and i really miss her now lol. i want to go to her house, oh and tineke i thought of something else, we should have a room with just those plastic ball things in the playplace lol remember? and we could like, jump into it and it would be amazing. uggh i pretty much miss you a ton. man!!

i'm really tired i should go to bed but i dont really feel like it yet. i have to wait for the hockey game to be done GO EDMONTON!! woooo.

my allergies have been bugging me allll day long and it's really starting to annoy me. they were really really bad today, lol of all things.

well i'm going. goodbye!

55

i dont actually know what to post about i just wanted to say 55 days till haiti... lol... yep.
nutella is amazing, crazy people. whoever likes nutella say "i"
woooo!!
oooh next piano students are here i must run.
have a lovely day
ha leave some sort of random happy comment.

56

they think they're lyrics are not good enough, thats crazy lol. (watch the 'exclusive interview')

All in all it's just another day now
You're falling down
What you gonna do
Standing on top of the world tonight
No ones looking back at you

i like that song, it's really pretty.
"it made my heart jump"

"it hurts so much i'm afraid of life."
"it won't hurt so much always, Anne."
"the thought that it may stop hurting sometimes hurts me worse than all else, Marilla."
"yes, i know, i've felt that too, about other things. but we all love you, anne."
"oh, everybody has been so dear and good and lovely to me, Marilla. i'm not ungrateful- and perhaps- when this horrible ache grows a little less- i'll find that i can go on living."
-anne's house of dreams, lucy maud montgomery

of... new cds and soon to be saturdays

hello peoples. so i just went to walmart and got Jack Johnson (Inbetween Dreams) Goo Goo Dolls (Let Love In) and Lifehouse... called... Lifehouse i think. either way, it's making me quite happy :D tonight... well tonight i had a piano recital and that went really well. then chels went swing dancing and left me by myself, ha no i wasn't by myself but she still left. but thats ok she will have fun and i will not be selfish in wanting her to be at my house right now. aand oh i got beads at walmart too and i'm making bracelets and necklaces. yeep. thats me. so um tomorrow is saturday and it's gonna be the first normal saturday i've had all year... cause i'm not gonna have anything in the morning (like orchestra) and nothing in the afternoon (like ballet) and it's like, a free saturday. which is quite crazy for me if you did not know. so it's quite cold and wet outside, but i don't mind sometimes i like rainy days. rainy days make me miss my friends though i don't know why. friends are a necessity for healthy living yet i hardly ever see half of them!! oh the sadness. well anyways, i'm actually sorta in a happy mood, these cheesey popcorn thingers are really good. noone is on msn. it makes me sorta sad cause i want to talk to someone and i really dont care if its electronic communication right now or not.. i feel like talking to someone. dun dun dun... tomorrow actually wont be a day with totally nothing in it, cause i'm gonna have math to do, but i don't care. i'm going to sleep in! and then do math. yep thats right, sleeping in!! it's incredible. today i slept in till 10:30 and it was even a friday but my mom let me sleep, now wasn't that lovely of her? i think so. hmmm my brother is gone but i don't really know where... i think he's at some young people's thing at our church. lalalaaaa "make you banana pancakes pretend like its the weekend noooow. can't you see that it's just raining, there's no need to go outsideeee..." if any of you have never heard jack johnson you MUST. must must must must!! you will love his music and of that i am sure. it's relaxing and stuff. when i turned on the banana pancakes song it reminded me of being at brittni's house and falling asleep with it in. anyways i have to go, i don't really feel like posting anymore so i'm not going to. HA! love you all to microscopic pieces goodbye!

close your eyes and count to ten. and i will go and hide but then, be sure to find me. i want you to find me, and we'll play all over, we'll play all over again.
(Georgia Lee, The Cottars)

--

i'm going to Haiti on my mission trip for sure now... all the flights are booked and everything is set to go. i'm so excited... i've wanted to go on a mission trip for as long as i can remember and this is the most amazing opportunity. now it's just raising all the money for the trip, and getting everything together.
maybe i'll post more later but for now my mind is officially dead.

i could never know how to love if i didn't know heartache first. i'd never know the value of life without the pain of death. i couldn't appreciate peace of it weren't for suffering. i would never be healed if i wasn't broken to begin with. God, this is all Yours again.

it's hard.

'Cause you're the reoccurring kind
You are the reoccurring kind
You never really leave my mind
-
Soon all the joy that pours from everything makes fountains of your eyes
because you finally understand the movement of a hand waving good-bye.
(bright eyes)

*click
*click
*click
*click
*click
*click

***
"Everything is changing-or going to change," said Diana sadly. "I have a feeling that things will never be the same again, Anne."
"We have come to a parting of ways, I suppose," said Anne, thoughtfully. "We had to come to it. Do you think, Diana, that being grown-up is really as nice as we used to imagine it would be when we were children?"
"I don't know- there are some nice things about it," answered Diana, again caressing her ring with that little smile which always had the effect of making Anne feel suddenly left out and inexperienced. "But there are so many puzzling things, too. Sometimes I feel as if being grown-up just frightened me-and then I would give anything to be a little girl again."
"I supposed we'll get used to being grown-up in time," said Anne cheerfully. "There won't be so many unexpected things about it by and by-though, after all, I fancy it's the unexpected things that give spice to life. We're eighteen, Diana. In two more years we'll be twenty. When I was ten I thought twenty was a green old age. In no time you'll be a staid, middle-aged matron, and I shall be a nice, old maid Aunt Anne, coming to visit you in vacations. You'll always keep a corner for me, won't you, Di darling?"
***
"Oh, I know. But feeling is so different from knowing. My common sense tells me all you can say, but there are times when common snese has no power over me."
***

i've said goodbye a million times before, but how do i say goodbye to you? it's so much harder to say goodbye when it means let go.
-article one

i can't remember to forget you.

the sky has wept rainbow tears

it's so bizarre how things change.

A picture frame with all the thoughts
I know, you hold inside
I hope that you can find your way back
To the place where you belong

"i miss you"
"uh, pardon?"

i just yawned. i don't really like yawning. it makes your eyes water for no apparent reason, and then you have to wipe your eyes of the wetness that the tears makes and then it looks like you might be crying.
sorta odd.
"I've never been more certain that God puts situations and people into our lives for a reason. And sometimes, although it is frightfully difficult for me to accept that statement, I need to realize that He has a greater plan in everything. And I need to have faith in that."
(a friend)

*click

NERVES.
ahhhh make them go away!
ban them.
*think think think.
re-me-mb-er

Photographs of you and me
Pictures of the friends you used to know
Where did they go?
Don't take my picture down
Don't erase everything that we had
Don't think I let you down

"i hate hate hate not seeing you."
"oh, but hate is such a strong word"
"not strong enough"
well my lovely it will all soon be over :) i cannot wait to hug you.

oh, the awkwardness of words.

my recital is tonight. it's going to be amazing and i'm so excited. chels is going to look beautiful in her pretty gold dress, and i just cannot wait.
have a good weekend everyone.
love
Janelle